Are intercultural marriages successful? Lessons from an Intercultural Marriage
By Liu Liu – London Intercultural Centre Board Member
As we approach our 25th anniversary in 2024, my wife Allison and I find ourselves reflecting on the journey that brought us together from opposite ends of the world. What started as a chance encounter at Yunnan University Language Centre, where I worked as a Foreign Affairs Secretary, blossomed into a love that defied borders, traditions, and expectations. The essence of our marital success can be encapsulated in the two lines I added to our wedding vows: “to understand and to respect.” These principles could be the bedrock of any lasting intercultural union.
I come from Kunming, the vibrant capital of Yunnan Province in the southwest of China. My career at the Yunnan University Language Center laid the foundation for a life intertwined with individuals from over 100 countries. It was here that I met Allison, a spirited woman from England, with an English father and a German mother. Fate, as it seems, had an ironic sense of humor, given her mother’s joke about not bringing back a “China man.”
Our wedding, a celebration of unity and diversity, echoed the fusion of our distinct backgrounds. We held a traditional Chinese ceremony in Kunming, with my best men being Turkish students from the Language Centre; followed by a Christian wedding in Chiang Mai, our home at the time. These two ceremonies symbolized our commitment not only to each other but also to understanding and respecting the cultures that shaped us.
Embarking on our journey as a married couple, we decided to spend a year in Chiang Mai, Thailand. It was not merely a geographical change but a deliberate choice to establish our identity within a third culture, free from the dominance of our individual backgrounds and cultural expectations. Little did we know that this decision would become a cornerstone of our intercultural marriage.
Over the years, I’ve come to observe distinct approaches within cross-country marriages: the multicultural, cross-cultural, and intercultural ways.
Multicultural Marriages: Cultures Side by Side
In multicultural marriages, couples maintain a degree of separation between their respective cultures. While they coexist harmoniously, there might be limited interaction or integration. Each partner preserves their cultural identity without a significant effort to blend or understand the other’s background.
Cross-Cultural Marriages: Navigating the Currents of Change
Cross-cultural marriages witness one partner embracing the culture of the other. It’s a dynamic where one spouse might adapt more to the customs, traditions, and values of their significant other. However, this adaptation might not always be reciprocated, potentially leading to challenges and imbalances within the relationship.
Intercultural Marriages: Crafting a Tapestry of Shared Identity
Intercultural marriages, like ours, stand out as a beacon of harmony and cooperation. Couples actively engage in learning about each other’s cultures and, importantly, embrace new cultures together. The intercultural approach involves co-creating a unique identity for the marriage—a fusion of traditions, values, and practices that bridge the gaps between their individual cultural backgrounds.
While our story exemplifies the triumphs of intercultural marriage, numerous other couples have navigated the intricate paths of cultural unions.
Priya and Jamal: Embracing Festivals from Two Worlds
Priya, hailing from India, and Jamal, from Morocco, have seamlessly blended the vibrant traditions of Diwali with the solemn observance of Ramadan. What makes their multicultural marriage work is their commitment to celebrating each other’s festivals with equal enthusiasm. They have created a shared calendar that incorporates both Hindu and Islamic festivities, ensuring that their home is adorned with the colors and aromas of both cultures.
Elena and Kenji: Culinary Fusion and Dance Harmony
The marriage of Elena and Kenji, a Japanese-Greek couple, is a testament to the fusion of culinary delights and dance traditions. They have successfully integrated the art of sushi-making with traditional Greek dance, turning ordinary evenings into cultural feasts. Cooking together and engaging in dance not only deepen their connection but also serve as a bridge between their distinct heritages.
Maria and Ahmed: Harmonizing Fiestas and Ancient Customs
Maria, from Mexico, and Ahmed, from Egypt, have crafted a marriage that harmonizes the lively fiestas of Mexico with the ancient customs of Egypt. What sets their multicultural union apart is their ability to seamlessly integrate the colorful celebrations of Mexican culture with the rich historical tapestry of Egyptian traditions. They have created a home that reflects the beauty of both worlds.
Are Intercultural Marriages Successful?
The success of an intercultural marriage hinges on the commitment of the partners to navigate the complexities with an open heart and mind. The key lies in transforming differences into strengths, learning from each other, and celebrating the beauty that arises from cultural diversity. Ultimately, it is the journey of discovery and growth that defines the success of an intercultural marriage—a journey that my wife and I continue to cherish as we mark our 25th year of love, understanding, and shared cultural richness.
Here are some key takeaways for navigating intercultural relationships:
Open Communication: Effective communication is the cornerstone of any marriage, but it becomes paramount in intercultural unions. Partners should feel free to express their thoughts, feelings, and cultural perspectives openly.
Embrace Differences: Rather than viewing differences as obstacles, intercultural couples see them as opportunities for growth. Embracing each other’s distinctiveness contributes to a richer, more fulfilling relationship.
Continuous Learning: Cultivate a mindset of perpetual learning. Take an active interest in understanding and participating in each other’s cultures. Attend family gatherings, learn the language, and explore traditions together.
Create Shared Traditions: While honoring individual cultural backgrounds, build new traditions that are unique to your partnership. This not only solidifies your bond but also establishes a shared identity within the marriage.
Remember, love knows no borders, and intercultural marriages offer a path to a richer, more fulfilling life experience
